


Remus Lupin and the curious case of Potteritus

by astheykissconsume



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Getting Together, M/M, Marauders' Era, The Dubious Matchmaking Skills of James Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-23 00:20:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13775691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astheykissconsume/pseuds/astheykissconsume
Summary: In which Remus realises to his horror that he is the James Potter in his very own 'James and Lily' scenario. That is: he is a hopeless, lovestruck, pining fool.





	Remus Lupin and the curious case of Potteritus

**Author's Note:**

> I intended to write something where Remus and James bond over their pining and have deep meaningful conversations about how it feels to love someone so much and not be able to show them, and about how beautiful Lily and Sirius's hair is, but that's not what this is. James had other ideas.

There were many things of which Remus Lupin was certain.

Chocolate was the best thing to ever exist. There was good in most people, if you looked hard enough. Autumn was undoubtedly the finest of the seasons. It was crisp, and beautiful, and reminded him of laughter on train journeys and the feeling of returning home.

Most importantly: James Potter was, and always would be, a deeply pathetic individual.

Oh, Remus loved him, of course – since the day they were sorted into Gryffindor together, James had included Remus in conversations, in plans, in pranks. Peter too, even though James already had his perfect best friend material in Sirius. They were all going to be friends, James had decided, and that was that. To Remus, who’d never expected to come to Hogwarts at all and much less expected anyone to be interested in befriending him, it had meant the world.

And then to top it off, James _knew,_ and his first reaction had been, “Cool!” Then he’d began to cook up increasingly hare-brained ideas for how they could get involved with the transformations, and one thing had led to another, and James had ended up proclaiming, “I can’t _wait_ to turn into a lion.”

Three years down the line, Remus no longer spent the full moons alone. James Potter was one of the main reasons for that. How could Remus not love him, fiercely and completely, as one of the best friends anyone could wish to have?

Still. That didn’t mean he didn’t find James to be the absolute epitome of pathetic. It was just a fond sort of exasperation, and one which was well-justified seeing how James lit up like a wand tip whenever Lily Evans so much as glanced in his direction.

“She’s looking at _me_ ,” Sirius announced on one such occasion, when Lily happened to look up the Gryffindor table and James practically quivered beside him.

Remus snorted into his cornflakes. James ignored him with as much dignity as he could muster whilst staring at Lily with immensely hopeful eyes.

“Definitely looking at me,” Sirius continued. He suddenly smirked and leant forward; James, realising what Sirius was about to do, attempted to kick him under the table, but it was too late. “Oi, Evans!”

“Well, she’s looking at him now,” Peter said cautiously.

Lily’s eyes were narrowed. “Yes, Black?” she replied. Ironically, she infused Sirius’s surname with the same sort of distaste that Sirius himself did.

“We were just wondering if you would be interested in – ” Sirius began, before his mouth suddenly snapped shut as if he’d been hexed. He probably had, if the way James was looking at him was anything to go by. Remus glanced under the table, swallowing his mouthful of cereal. James’s wand was in his hand and currently resting ominously on Sirius’s knee. Sirius kept trying valiantly to open his mouth, but it wasn’t working – he was just turning a funny colour instead.

Remus sighed to himself. It was time to step in.

“We weren’t wondering anything,” Remus said hastily. “Sorry, Lily. Ignore him.”

Lily gave him one of those looks which Remus was well used to – he received it from prefects and teachers, mostly, sometimes from older Gryffindors and the odd Ravenclaw. It was the look which asked Remus why on earth he was friends with them. Remus just looked back at her, his expression bland. He knew the answer to why, though he sometimes still pondered over _how_ he had ended up friends with James and Sirius.

James waited until Lily had turned back to her friends before he released Sirius with a muttered counter-spell. Sirius took a huge, melodramatic gulp of air, throwing a hand to his chest.

“You were breathing through your nose the whole time,” Remus said mildly.

Sirius turned betrayed eyes on him. “Moony, how could you take his side?”

“Everyone will always take my side,” James said, helping himself to pumpkin juice, “if the other side in question is yours.”

“I was turning _purple_ ,” Sirius declared with great conviction.

“Through sheer force of will, not lack of oxygen.”

“I am misunderstood. Villainised. Maligned and slandered…”

“No-one’s listening, Padfoot.”

Sirius heaved another dramatic sigh, then returned his attention to his own breakfast as though the past few minutes had never happened. He didn’t mention it again until they were getting ready to leave for Divination, at which point he came out with, “All I’m saying is – you’re not gonna win Evans over by being so pathetic. Am I right, Remus? Peter?”

James spluttered at Sirius’s use of the ‘p’ word. Peter looked distinctly uncomfortable at being asked to confirm that James Potter, worlds cooler than he could ever hope to be, was pathetic. Remus looked at James, then patted his arm.

“Sorry James. Even Sirius has to be right sometimes.”

“Attaboy, Moony. Though just so you are aware, I resent that.”

James agonised over Sirius’s verdict all the way to Divination. Remus could hear him muttering, “Pathetic?” in tones of disbelief, and occasionally in questioning tones, as though trying to convince himself that perhaps pathetic meant endearing, and endearing meant that Lily would inevitably fall head over heels in love with him, ask him to go to Hogsmeade with her next weekend and enchant the Great Hall ceiling to spell out ‘I heart James Potter’.

When their class began and James began his usual hair fluffing overtures at the back of Lily’s head, Remus sighed to himself. Endearing was a matter of perspective, but pathetic was not. Remus couldn’t imagine being so helplessly devoted to someone who did not and never would see you in that light.

“Hey, Moony. You’ve got a heart, look.”

Sirius was leaning into him, peering into Remus’s cup. The dull brown dregs at the bottom had formed a love heart so neat it wouldn’t look out of place in Madame Puddifoot’s shop window in February. Sirius looked back up at Remus, grinning. “Who’s the lucky lady?”

He was warm and solid against Remus’s shoulder, his eyes were bright and lively, and his smile, like most things about Sirius, was so lovely that it seemed unfair that it actually existed.

 _I am completely in love with you and you have no idea and you will never see me that way_ , thought Remus, out of the blue.

“Moony?”

Then Remus thought, _Oh shit._

-

The thing was, Remus had known that he was in love with Sirius for a while now.

It had started, properly, in fourth year. Before then he’d always been aware that Sirius was handsome, but back then it was the way in which you know that a dog is excitable, or a stag is noble, or a rat is twitchy. Sirius was good looking. Remus noticed it, dismissed it, and accepted it as part and parcel of his friend.

But in fourth year Sirius had showed up after the summer holidays with a new haircut and a perfected devil-may-care smirk. He was taller, but not gangly with it; he seemed to have shaken off teenage awkwardness already, if he’d ever suffered from it. He was only 14 but he seemed older, and Remus had felt a funny little squirm in his stomach when Sirius bounded up to him on the platform at Kings Cross and threw his arms around him in an exuberant hug. He’d brushed it aside and listened to Sirius ramble on about how the last two weeks of the summer holidays, spent at James’s house, had been the best ever, not least because he only had to see his stupid family very, very briefly as they were dropping Regulus off for the train. Sirius was still _Sirius,_ all unbridled restless energy and ready laughter, fiercely intelligent but impossibly lazy with it, infuriating, impatient but endlessly, endlessly loyal, and Remus –

Well. Remus thought he was beautiful, and never wanted to stop looking at him. He wanted to live in the little moments where Sirius laughed at his jokes or fell asleep on his shoulder whilst they waited for one of the others to get back from laying the groundworks of a prank.

He’d been a goner from the moment he got a faceful of silky black hair on the platform at Kings Cross and thought ‘ _His hair smells so good’_ instead of his previous response to Sirius’s bear hugs, which tended to be _‘mmmfff can’t breathe let go.’_

Remus had learned, since then, to keep that part of him locked up carefully in the parts of himself that nobody was ever privy to. It was simple, really; _‘I am in love with Sirius Black’_ lived quietly in the darkest recesses of his mind, tucked in close with _‘I turn into a ferocious wolf once a month’_ , _‘I’ve broken Dumbledore’s trust’_ and _‘I don’t actually like Fizzing Whizbees but Peter always bought me a giant bag for my birthday since first year and I don’t want to hurt his feelings so I’ll continue to eat them ‘til they kill me, damn it.’_

If Remus leaned in a little too close when they were poring over the Map, it was because the moon was approaching and it always messed with his coordination just a little bit. If Remus laid a hand on top of Sirius’s at the Gryffindor table when Regulus elected to sit next to Snape across the Hall, it was because he was Sirius’s friend and he wanted what was best for him (and what was best was not hexing Snape’s eyebrows off again). If Remus stared at Sirius at any point, it was because he was a reckless moron and someone needed to watch him before he tried to transfigure his own feet into a broomstick to become the very first boy-broom hybrid.

So Remus had known for a couple of years now that his love for Sirius was different to his love for James and Peter. Realising that he was the James Potter in his very own ‘James and Lily’ scenario was, however, a new low.

 _I’m pining_ , he realised, watching Sirius discreetly murmuring a spell which rearranged his own tea tea leaves to spell out ‘FUCK OFF’, then proudly showing James his handiwork. _Oh god, I’m a hopeless, pining mess. I’m James. I’m JAMES._

“Wow, Sirius!” James exclaimed, pushing his glasses up his nose to inspect Sirius’s cup. “Professor Dinglebert, look, Sirius has got two whole words!”

“Are you sure that’s – MR BLACK! THAT IS QUITE UNNECESSARY IN MY CLASS – ”

“I’m a Divination prodigy,” Sirius protested.

Remus slouched back in his chair, tuning the erupting chaos out with well-practised ease. Opposite him, Peter was prodding the dregs at the bottom of his own cup. “It looks like a turd,” he reported gloomily.

Remus offered him a sympathetic look. Without meaning to, his gaze wandered back to Sirius. He was arguing with the professor about the origins of his tea leaf message, somehow managing to look good even wearing an entirely unconvincing expression of angelic innocence. Bastard. James was nodding along with everything Sirius was claiming, though Remus could see his attention was wandering. Back towards Evans, in fact. He fluffed his hair hopefully. She continued to pay him absolutely no attention.

Remus looked at Lily consideringly. She was very pretty, he thought, and clever and kind and thoughtful. He could see why James liked her.

He looked back at James. James was also quite good looking, he thought. Not as pretty as Sirius, but nice looking. When he wasn’t doing that thing with his hair. He was also clever, kind and thoughtful. He had that in common with Lily, though he was definitely a much bigger attention seeker than her. Still, if he stopped doing the hair thing and maybe stopped jinxing Snape to do the Irish jig in the corridors whenever he saw him, then Remus couldn’t see any particular reason why Lily couldn’t grow to like James as a friend, at least, even if she wasn’t interested in him romantically.

James must have a plan for the romance, though. James always had a plan. Usually a misguided plan, but a plan nevertheless. And, though Remus was loathe to admit it, he was closer to his dream romance with Lily than Remus was with Sirius. For a start, Lily knew he liked her.

Remus glanced over at Sirius again. Professor Dinglebert was writing out a notice of detention behind him. He caught Sirius’s eye this time, and Sirius offered him a bright, shit-eating grin. Remus smiled back, his heart twisting.

Enough was enough. His common sense screamed at him to reconsider, but before he could give himself time to back out, Remus had scribbled a note down on a bit of parchment and spelled it to drift straight to James.

James caught it with a quizzical glance, unfurling it and scanning the message. He looked up and cocked his head questioningly. “You okay?” he mouthed.

Remus nodded hurriedly, then shrugged. James considered him, then just gave him a thumbs up.

“What was that about?” asked Peter.

“Nothing,” Remus answered. Peter seemed to slump slightly, so he relented. “Just asked if we could have a chat. Uh, his dad mentioned something about being able to help me with work experience next year.”

Suitably bored by his answer, Peter returned to poking at his turd-leaves. Remus looked down at his own love heart and tried to ignore the feeling that even fate was laughing at him, not entirely successfully.

-

“Moons, my man, what’s up?”

Now that he was alone with James and ready for their little chat, Remus felt that the best way to proceed was probably for him to fling himself out of the window and never look anyone in the eye ever again.

It had taken some cajoling to convince Sirius to go and see what the house elves would be able to prepare for them for their private Christmas feast at the weekend. James had told him to go and bat his eyelashes prettily at the elves because he was fairly sure one or two of them had a thing for Sirius, and Peter had cackled, and Remus had tried very hard not to think, _I don’t blame them_. But he’d gone in the end and Peter had gone with him, and now Remus was alone with James and ostensibly ready to have the chat he had requested. Only now, with James’s hazel eyes curious and fixed on his face, Remus had never felt less ready.

“I wanted to talk about…” he said slowly, and then, because his brain apparently liked to land him in only the most uncomfortable of situations, it saw fit to end that sentence with, “… Lily.”

James looked startled, then suspicious. “Lily,” he repeated.

“Um, yes. I want to talk to you about Lily.”

“What about her?”

“About – well, you know, I’m aware of how you feel about her, and feelings in general – that is to say, I’m aware that people have feelings in general, for other p-people. And recently I’ve… felt… ”

“Remus,” James said, quite calmly, although a vein was beginning to pulse in his forehead. “Remus. Moony. My great, if slightly bookish friend. Let me stop you there for just a second.”

 _Oh god,_ Remus thought. _He knows. He’s known since before I knew. Everybody knows that I’m a mess for Sirius. Sirius probably knows. The Giant Squid probably knows._

“You know you’re like a brother to me,” James continued, and Remus was beginning to feel lightheaded at the possibility that this might go down a ‘but Sirius _is_ my brother and if you hurt him I’ll hurt you’ route. “But I need to tell you right now. Whilst it would destroy me, quite possibly kill me, to split the Marauders up over my eternal love for Evans, eternal love is what it is, and if you think you can swoop in there and snatch her away from me with your books and your – your _being nice to everyone_ thing, then I have to tell you – ”

Remus gave a single, shocked laugh, which caused James’s eyebrows to shoot even higher up his forehead. Before James could say another word, Remus blurted out, “I’m in love with Sirius.”

James opened his mouth to reply, then seemed to realise what Remus had said and closed it again. Then he opened it, stared at Remus for one long, goldfish-esque second, before his response finally came.

“What?”

“I said I’m in love with Sirius.” Remus’s heart was careering against his ribcage. He felt afraid and elated and horrified and giddy.

“Sirius.”

“Yes.”

“You.”

“Yes.”

“You and Sirius.”

“Ye – I mean. No. Not really. He doesn’t – you’re the first person I’ve told. He doesn’t know. Nobody knows. Except you.”

James studied him for a long moment. Then, suddenly, he asked, “Why Sirius?”

“Because I – ” Remus broke off, the nature of James’s question suddenly striking him. Incredulous, he stared right back at James. “What do you mean, _why_ Sirius? Are you implying that it should be you?”

“I was just wondering what he’s got that I haven’t,” James protested.

“I – Christ, James! Your ego!”

James looked unrepentant. “It’s not ego, it’s simple curiosity.” He awaited an answer, but when Remus only continued to stare at him, he rolled his eyes. “Alright. You’re in love with Sirius. Did you just want to tell me that, or was there something else you wanted to talk about?”

James was somehow managing to make Remus’s Gigantic Impossible Secret sound _mundane._ Remus wasn’t sure whether he felt wildly insulted or immensely relieved.

“Well I wanted to tell you… obviously… and you’re the only person I’ve told, so – ”

James snorted. “Remus, mate. Haven’t told a soul that you grow a muzzle and tail once a month. Not gonna spill that you think Sirius is pretty.”

“Right, okay, well.” Remus hoped he looked less flustered than he felt. “The thing is, I really did want to talk to you about Lily. Not because I like Lily in any way other than a friend, but because I know that you do, and… I like Sirius in the same way you like Lily, you know, and I thought maybe…” He trailed off.

James was beginning to get that mad glint in his eye that Remus associated with highly ambitious and somewhat illogical pranks. “If you’re saying what I think you’re saying… ”

“I’m saying I just wanted to talk to you about it because you know what it’s like and we’re in the same boat here – ”

“And you want to do something about that, don’t you Moony?”

“I wanted a friend to talk to about it and maybe some advice…”

“Advice,” James crowed, the mad glint intensifying. “Moony, I know what it is you want.”

“Advice,” Remus repeated, slightly panicky, “advice from a _trusted friend,_ James – ”

“You want to woo Sirius,” James said triumphantly. “You want to _seduce_ him.”

“Please stop saying those words.”

“You want to lure our good friend Padfoot into your bed.”

“I am beginning to regret ever meeting you let alone having this conversation.”

“Have no fear, dearest Moonman. I happen to be a veritable expert on how to lure Pads into bed.”

There was a pause. Remus’s brow furrowed.

“I did not mean that how it sounded,” said James calmly.

“Right.”

“Honestly, I just meant if you leave dog biscuits on a pillow he’ll jump up there, and he’s really nice to, you know, stroke and stuff.”

“What you two get up to when he’s Padfoot is no business of mine.”

“But when he’s Sirius it’s another matter entirely?” James’s grin was far too smug for Remus’s liking, but he ignored it pointedly.

“Will you help me or not? And I mean actually help, not, I don’t know, yell it out for everyone to hear or – ”

“Ye of little faith. I will be the greatest helper you could ever have enlisted.”

“If you say so.”

Before they could actually exchange views and thoughts on what it meant to be disgustingly in love with someone who was painfully close yet unreachable, they were interrupted by the return of Sirius and Peter. They were arguing intensely about cheese. It transpired that Sirius had charmed a large triangle of brie and a bunch of grapes from the house elves to fetch back to the dormitory as a snack, but Peter had fallen prey to his Animagus instincts on the journey back and gnawed along one of the edges. The cheese was now tainted, Sirius felt, with rat spit, even though Peter was fully human when he’d done it. Remus sort of felt that that little fact made things worse, but he didn’t voice those thoughts. Unlike Sirius, and sometimes James, Remus did in fact have a filter and bothered to use it.

As Sirius laid out what was left of the cheese and the grapes (which he’d clearly eaten most of himself on the way back to the Tower), Remus glanced over at James. James caught the look, but to Remus’s relief he didn’t smirk or wink or rush up to Sirius and screech that Remus wanted to shag him six ways to Sunday. He just helped himself to some of the brie and asked Sirius if he fancied a bit of practise on the Quidditch pitch later. Peter hunted out his half-complete Potions essay tomorrow to squint at and sigh over. Sirius laid out on his own bed and threw grapes up into the air to catch in his mouth.

Remus felt a rush of affection. Telling James hadn’t ruined anything. He sat down on his own bed, picked up his Charms essay and threw it across to James so that he could copy a few bits and spend more time on the pitch later. He deserved it.

-

The one thing James Potter deserved was a stinging hex right where it would hurt, and possibly a wedgie administered only by Severus Snape, in front of the entire school.

“Jamie says you like someone,” Sirius had announced without preamble at breakfast that morning. He speared a piece of bacon from Remus’s plate. “I can’t believe you haven’t told me who it is. I feel mortally offended. To tell James before me breaks our code of honour, and I may never recover.”

“James is a lying toad.” Remus picked up Sirius’s goblet and took a sip of pumpkin juice. He wasn’t that keen on pumpkin juice, but it was the principle of the thing.

“Don’t you say those mean things about my darling Potter.” Sirius reached for Remus’s scrambled eggs, but Remus batted his hand aside. “And I know he’s telling the truth. So spill the beans, Lupin.”

Remus didn’t bother to ask how Sirius knew that James was telling the truth. Sirius and James had their own private language half the time. He would be jealous if he didn’t understand the bond between them on some level.

Remus looked up from his breakfast and regretted it. Sirius’s face was close, his grey eyes fixed expectantly on Remus. Remus imagined how easy it would be to reach across and cup Sirius’s cheek in his palm, touch their mouths together.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said instead, but he knew it wouldn’t work. On the night that they showed him their complete Animagus transformations, almost wild with excitement, he had been absolutely unsurprised to meet Padfoot. Sirius was relentless, determined, impossible to shake off and incredibly cute. Of course he was a dog. And of course he wasn’t going to give up now, not when his prey was the hilariously delicious prospect of Remus Lupin having a crush on someone.

“Mooooony.” Sirius had evidently decided that ‘wheedling’ would be his winning tactic this time. “Moooooo – ”

“What are you, a cow?” Lily sat down beside Sirius, somewhat unexpectedly.

“I would make a very attractive cow,” Sirius said thoughtfully.

Lily ignored him. “Remus, we’re to have an extra Prefect meeting this evening. Meeting at half past six. Johnson asked me to pass the message along.”

“That’s very interesting, Evans, but we were actually in the middle of something very important.” Sirius made an obnoxious shooing gesture with one hand.

It was Remus’s turn to ignore him this time. He could practically feel Sirius wilting with horror at the lack of attention and fought back a smile. “Thanks for telling me, Lily. I’ll see you there.”

“No problem.”

They both watched her go. “James will probably eat his own arm with jealousy now,” mused Sirius. “And it’ll be all your fault.” He shot Remus a sly glance. “Maybe then, when he’s annoyed with you, he’ll tell me who it is.”

“Dream on, Pads.” Remus stood up, shouldering his bag. “I’m off to Ancient Runes. I’ll see you later.”

“See you in Potions. By which time I’ll know.” Sirius sounded worryingly confident. Remus ignored him. Over-confidence was practically twisted into the Black DNA.

-

“It’s me, isn’t it?”

Remus accidentally tipped three times as much powdered billywig into his cauldron. Murky grey fumes began to billow from it, thick and rancid. Remus choked, grabbing for his wand to clear it away.

Sirius got there first, wand aloft and one hand covering his mouth and nose. He grimaced. “Bloody hell, Moony.”

“Sorry. Hand slipped.” Remus returned his gaze to his ingredients hurriedly.

“So. As I was saying, before you tried to kill us both. It’s obviously me. I’m the one you like.”

Remus distinctly wished that he was small enough to climb into his cauldron and drown himself. He chopped his mandrake root into the smallest pieces he could. For a brief, wild second he imagined looking up, meeting Sirius’s gaze and simply saying, “Yes, and?”

Then he imagined the awkwardness of the dorm if Sirius didn’t want to be near him, James avoiding him because his loyalties would always primarily lie with Sirius, and Peter only really hanging round with Remus out of pity. He also imagined the laughter of the Slytherins dotted throughout the class if Sirius made a show of rejecting him here. That helped to keep his voice steady as he replied, “What makes you say that?”

“My irresistible natural charisma?” Sirius tried, and Remus felt relief rush through him like tidal wave: he was bluffing.

“Actually, I think having lived with you for the past four years, I’m fairly immune to that.”

“You’re killing me here, Moony.”

“Oh, I’m sure.” Remus scraped his mandrakes into the cauldron, then risked a glance at Sirius. He was staring moodily into space. “Pads?”

“Hm?” Sirius looked back at him.

“You alright?”

“I’m fine,” Sirius said automatically. He paused, then asked, “Do you trust James?”

“What kind of a question is that?” He was in one of his strange moods, Remus realised with a sinking feeling. Sirius in a strange mood tended to be highly changeable, but he always ended up looking for distractions to pull himself out of it. This day would either end in him trying to break into the Slytherin common room, bewitching first years into portraits, or trying to ride the Giant Squid.

“That’s good. I trust James too.”

“I know,” said Remus cautiously.

“I trust Peter too, even though he turns into a rat.”

Remus nodded along. He wasn’t sure Peter would appreciate that comment, despite the declaration of trust. Peter could be quite sensitive about his Animagus form, but Sirius either had yet to notice or didn’t really care. Remus suspected the latter.

“I wonder if they trust me.”

“You know they do.” Remus stirred Sirius’s cauldron counter clockwise three times as well as his own, as it was apparent that Sirius had lost all interest in it.

Sirius didn’t respond. Remus truly, sincerely hoped that Sirius was not driving himself into a mood over the idea that just because Remus didn’t want to share the name of his ‘crush’ with him, it must mean that none of his friends trusted him. He wondered if this had been James’s great plan all along – to entice Sirius to pester Remus until Remus felt guilty enough to give in. He half-heartedly hoped that James might step in something later on his way to the pitch, or that he might trip over coming through the portrait hole.

For a while, they worked in silence. Sirius poked at his potion without enthusiasm, added a few bits here and there, and otherwise brooded like a pre-Raphaelite painter’s vision of beauty.

“If I had a secret,” said Sirius suddenly, as they were getting ready to leave, “and I told you, would you keep it?”

Remus exhaled. “Sirius. You are aware who you are talking to?”

Sirius only looked at him with unreadable eyes. Remus sighed.

“Yes, Padfoot, I would keep your secret.”

Sirius contemplated him for a moment before. Then, all in a rush, he said, “I like someone too,” before he left the dungeons in a flash, not waiting for anyone else to join him.

Remus blinked after him. He tried very hard not to feel like the world ended, but his feelings didn’t seem to care what logic had to say about the situation, and so gut-churning disappointment crept through him. It was stupid, completely stupid, because Sirius had dated before and Sirius always got lots of attention and Sirius, no matter what Remus might wish for, was not his.

But all the same, he walked to the next class with a heavy heart. He tried to psych himself up to ask faux interested questions about the girl in question, but Sirius’s seat in Transfiguration stayed empty. James’s was too. Remus sat with Peter and took notes, focusing on the lilt of McGonagall’s voice, and trying very hard not to think about Sirius Black with his lovely mouth and his lovely hair and his lovely hands belonging to somebody else.

-

By the time Remus cornered James in the Common Room that evening, he only had 10 minutes to spare before his Prefect meeting, a headache was forming, and he still hadn’t seen Sirius since Potions.

“A word, James?”

That was the cue for the cluster of third years hanging around James to bugger off. Remus waited until they were out of the way, then faced James with what he hoped was a suitably stern expression. He suspected he just looked pained.

“What was that about?”

“Them?” James glanced over at the retreating back of the third years. “I was just explaining how the new Nimbus has a tailwind to rival – ”

“No, not them, Sirius. You, having the wonderful idea to tell Sirius that I’m interested in someone.”

James grinned brightly at him. “Oh, that. You’re welcome.”

Remus just looked at him. James’s grin didn’t dim. He looked altogether too pleased with himself.

“Remind me again why it’s a good thing that Sirius now won’t stop pestering me to find out who my mysterious crush is?”

“It shows he’s interested,” James said as though it was obvious.

“He’s my friend, of course he’s interested. As a friend.”

James arched an eyebrow at him. Remus stared back, uncomprehending.

“Remember in third year when Peter got a crush on that Slytherin girl with the really nasal voice?” James asked. “Or in fourth when he kept trailing around after those twin Hufflepuff girls because he could never tell which of them he’d worked with one time in Herbology?”

Remus nodded. He could see where James was going with this. “Yeah, I remember, and Sirius was about as interested as Evans is in you.” James winced; Remus ignored him. “It doesn’t prove anything. He’s just curious about me because – well, it’s never really happened before, has it? It’s something new for him to – to poke fun at.” He felt bad even as he said it. He knew Sirius didn’t mean any harm. It was just that sometimes he could be so… Sirius.

“He’s not poking fun at you. He’s _interested_. He cares about what you care about.”

“It’s not like that, James.” Before James could argue the point, Remus came out with it. “He likes someone else. He told me so.”

James didn’t deflate, as he had expected; instead, he frowned, looking perplexed. “He likes someone else.”

“He told me so in Potions.”

James surveyed him, gaze narrowed behind his glasses. Then he suddenly said, “You’ll be late to your prefect meeting if you don’t bugger off now. Go on. I’ll, ah, I’ll have a think.”

“About what?” Remus glanced at the clock. James was right, he had to go. Disorientating as it was to be reminded of prefect duties by James Potter, he couldn’t help but be wary of what James’s ‘thinking’ might entail.

“Stuff,” said James vaguely.

Oddly enough, that didn’t ease Remus’s worries at all.

-

When Remus got to the Prefect meeting, he found only Lily present in the room. She was making the most of the quiet to finish up an essay, but shoved it back into her bag when Remus walked in. “Remus, hi.”

“Hi Lily. Where is everyone?”

“They called it off at the last minute. I was just waiting to let you know.”

“Oh. Any idea why they - ?”

Lily shook her head. “Not a clue. Still, it’s quite nice to get a bit of quiet time away from the common room. And the library, actually. I know it’s practically silent in there, but I sometimes think it still manages to seem loud just from the level of passive aggressive shushing in there.” She smiled at him.

Remus smiled back. He sat down on the edge of a desk. She was right. There was no need to rush back to the common room. Especially when doing so meant facing Sirius sooner or later, and probably a moody Sirius at that. He couldn’t bring himself to deal with that just yet, not when he still felt small and sad at the thought of Sirius being interested in someone else.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Lily was watching him. When he paused, she added, “Muggle currency – ”

“Got it. My mum’s a Muggle.”

Lily looked interested. “Is she? And your dad’s magical?”

Remus nodded. “So I have a decent grip on both sides of the divide,” he said dryly. “Pennies and knuts both.”

Lily laughed. “Neither a clueless Muggleborn nor a baffled Pureblood be.”

“In the wise old words of Shakespeare, yes.”

“What were you thinking about, just then? You looked a bit sad.”

She was persistent. James would be proud. Remus forced a smile. “Oh, nothing.”

“My mum says that when people say ‘nothing’ when they’re asked if something’s wrong, it means the opposite,” she said, eyeing him speculatively. When he didn’t respond, she raised a hand. “It’s alright, Remus. I’m not going to pry. I’d just like you to know that you can talk to me. You know, if you want to.”

Remus felt absurdly grateful for that. He loved his friends like brothers, but sometimes he forgot what it was like to have a proper conversation with someone who didn’t know about the wolf. Someone who thought he was at least fairly normal. “Thanks, Lily.”

“Goodness knows you probably need someone to talk to who doesn’t have Dungbombs on the brain,” she added.

Remus grinned. “It’s like you read my mind. Although to be fair, I think Pete’s the only one who spends any large portion of time thinking about Dungbombs. James and Sirius consider themselves more sophisticated pranksters than that.”

“Oh, I imagine so.”

“They’re not so bad,” Remus said, as he would always say. He considered adding in something complimentary about James, but decided against it. Lily deserved a bit of peace and quiet away from the mention of James Potter.

“I know,” Lily said, surprisingly. She glanced at the clock on the wall, then blew out a breath. “They care a lot about their friends.”

Remus blinked at her. “I – yeah. They do.”

“About you, certainly.” She turned her green eyes on him. She was trying very hard not to smile.

Remus was getting the distinct impression that there was something he was missing. “Lily?” he said cautiously. She was talking about the good qualities of James and Sirius and she was smiling. God, he hoped they hadn’t slipped her a love potion.

Lily glanced at the clock again. It had just turned seven. “My work here is done.” She put her work back in her bag and swung it over her shoulder as she stood.

Remus continued to gape at her, nonplussed. “What work? What have you done?”

Lily patted him on the shoulder as she passed. “Let it never be said that I am unwilling to help a fellow Gryffindor in need.”

“ _Lily_ ,” Remus yelped. “Explain. Now. _Please_.”

She paused in the doorway. She was grinning, seemingly enjoying the moment. “Well. If a fellow Gryffindor happened to ask me if I could keep you out of the Tower for a short while by, say, inventing a non-existent Prefect meeting… then I feel duty-bound to lend a helping hand. If the cause is worthwhile, of course, which I believe it is.”

Remus stared at her. He felt more confused than he had ever felt before in his life, including the time Peter had mumbled the words ‘I wish they’d call me Tailworm’ in his sleep.

Lily raised both eyebrows at him, then gave the clock an exaggerated look. “Maybe you should go back to Gryffindor Tower now,” she said with great emphasis.

“Gryffindor Tower. Right. Okay,” said Remus weakly. He picked up his bag and gave Lily one last, bewildered look before hurrying out of the classroom. He felt a faint sense of dread at whatever awaited him. He could only imagine it would be the remains of a prank which they knew that even Remus wouldn’t be able to turn a blind eye to. Smart of them to get rid of Lily too, by pretending they needed Remus out of the way for something important, but, well. They _were_ smart. That was the trouble.

Remus walked quickly back to Gryffindor Tower. He hoped it was either a victimless prank, or the sort of prank which victimised everybody. Equality and all that. He straightened his Prefect badge as he climbed through the portrait hole, squaring his shoulders and preparing to face whatever monstrosity his friends had seen fit to unleash in his absence.

The common room was quiet, but not unnaturally so. The murmur and bubble of chatter filled the room, but there were no explosions, no shrieks, no mad Black laughter. Remus looked around warily. There were a couple of second years playing Gobstones nearby, so he strode over to them.

“Sorry to interrupt. Have you seen my – um, have you seen James Potter and Sirius Black at all? Peter Pettigrew? They’re sixth years – ”

“We know who they are,” said the nearest. Her companion had gone bright red and was smothering a fit of giggles in her fist. “But we haven’t seen. Have we, Clarissa?” She looked to her blushing friend.

Clarissa lowered her fist and looked up at Remus. “I haven’t seen them since they went upstairs,” she said.

So their dorm was the scene of the crime. Remus sincerely hoped that whatever they were up to, it didn’t involve his bed. “Thanks,” he said to the two girls distractedly, turning back towards the stairs.

“You only know that ‘cause you’re always watching Black,” he heard the first girl say accusingly as he walked away.

Remus ascended the stairs to the dorm, vaguely wondering if he should have his wand out. He felt slightly unnerved. Whatever they were up to, it was important (and probably dangerous) enough that they had somehow enlisted Lily to distract him, and in so doing distracted them both. But it wasn’t their style to hide their troublemaking achievements in the privacy of their own dormitory.

He stopped outside their door. Namely because Peter was sitting outside it, looking bored. He perked up when he saw Remus. “Moony!”

“Wormtail. Uh. Is there any particular reason why you’re out here?”

“To ensure that the coast remains clear,” Peter recited, in the tones of someone who has been given their instructions one too many times. “To make sure that Remus J. Lupin does not enter this dormitory until all is ready.”

Abruptly, Remus felt weary and already over whatever it was they were up to. He just wanted to be allowed in his dorm and lie on his bed and maybe read a chapter of his book. He reached for the door, ignoring Peter’s protest, and pushed it open.

“Remus, don’t – Prongs, he’s here – ”

Remus stepped into the dorm. He stopped. And he stared.

-

“Wormtail, you useless lump, I told you to shout when you saw him,” James said with feeling.

“I was just about to,” protested Peter. “He pushed past me! Quite viciously.”

“Oh, of course he did. Because ‘Remus’ and ‘vicious’ are two words which happily go together,” Sirius said derisively.

Sirius’s scornful tone didn’t have quite the same impact on Peter as usual, as was evident in the way Peter completely ignored him. But then, that wasn’t surprising, seeing Sirius was currently on Remus’s bed, lounging against his pillows, wearing a shapeless covering of wrapping paper and ribbons. Even Sirius couldn’t pull off that look and make it seem intimidating.

James seemed to be under the impression that Remus’s stunned silence was more to do with his wrapping skills than, you know, the fact that Sirius was _sitting on his bed wrapped up like a present and Remus could see his chest through and he definitely wasn’t wearing a shirt under there and if he wasn’t wearing a shirt what else wasn’t he wearing?_

“The paper is very hard to enchant,” he said defensively. “I had to do it by hand.”

“You did a good job, Prongs,” said Peter supportively.

Remus continued to stare at Sirius. Sirius looked back at him, then said, weakly, “Uh. Surprise, Moony?”

“Surprised?” Remus really needed to stop staring at the glimpse of skin under the ribbons. He would stop. Any moment now. “Yes. I am surprised. You could say that, yes.”

“No, I mean – ” Sirius shifted, apparently trying to get more comfortable. The paper rustled, sounding dangerously close to tearing. James whimpered a little bit, protective of his handiwork. “I mean… surprise. For you. I am… your surprise.”

“You’re sat on my bed wearing paper and ribbons,” said Remus stupidly.

“Your surprise gift,” Sirius clarified. He looked faintly anxious, Remus realised. He was not used to Sirius looking anxious.

“Thanks,” said Remus, because that was what you were supposed to say when somebody gave you a gift. Then he stared a bit more.

After an increasingly uncomfortable moment of silence, James saw fit to step in. “Alright, lads. Consider this your intervention.” He pointed at Remus. “You approached me yesterday and informed me that you like – ”, he swung round and pointed at Sirius instead, “ – him.”

“James!” Remus couldn’t help the scandalised exclamation that burst out. “You can’t just tell – ”

“Moony, I’m mostly naked on your bed and wrapped up as a gift for you, and I’m happy to sit here for as long as we need, but can we not focus on the small details?” Sirius interjected. “It’s quite cold.”

Remus felt like he had stepped into an alternative reality. Perhaps a fantasy one. “Go on,” he said to James.

“I, being the wonderful friend I am, agreed to help you out,” James continued as though there had been no interruption. “At which point I went over to my dearest Padfoot over there, and informed him that our little Moony had a little crush on someone. I didn’t tell him who said someone was, but relied on my boy’s canine instincts to hound the truth out of you.”

“Hound,” said Peter. “Ha.”

“And hound he did, but instead of getting the truth out of you, all Padfoot succeeded in doing was working himself into a sulk and coming right back at you with information of his own: that _he_ was interested in someone, too.” James gave Sirius a disapproving look, which Sirius ignored. “So you came to me, blue and heartsick, despairing of your chances – ”

“Yeah, alright,” Remus interrupted. It was incredibly difficult not to feel panicky at James coming out with all this when Sirius was literally sat right here _on his bed mostly naked wearing ribbons –_ and there went Remus’s attention again. He shook himself mentally. “I know all this. You’re literally telling me the events of the past 24 hours in my own life.”

James wagged a finger at him, looking for a second like a taller, slightly demented Professor Flitwick. “Ah, but what is it you don’t know? You don’t know the story… from the _other side_.” He paused for dramatic effect.

“Sirius has fancied you for ages and told James last year, and then I guessed earlier this year,” said Peter. “I thought you liked him too but Sirius was adamant that you didn’t. And James is oblivious ‘cause he’s always staring at Evans. Or he was until you told him yesterday. So he tried to hint to Sirius that maybe you had a secret he’d be really interested in knowing, but that didn’t work and you both ended up sulking ‘cause you didn’t realise you were both into each other. So James cornered Sirius this afternoon and just told him that you liked him. And then one thing led to another and somehow we ended up wrapping Sirius up on your bed as… you know. Sort of a joke, but a nice one.”

James was gaping at Peter with an expression of utter betrayal. “Wormtail! You ruined my moment!”

“Sorry,” said Peter, not sounding very sorry at all.

Remus paid little attention to the ensuing bickering. Peter’s words were still ringing in his ears. _Sirius has fancied you for ages._

His eyes found Sirius. He was looking back at Remus steadily. The anxiety was still there, faintly, but he also looked hopeful now, and ever so slightly shy. The result was incredibly endearing.

“I can’t believe it,” he said. He meant that he, Remus the werewolf, could ever be lucky enough to actually be the person Sirius Black was interested in. James, however, took it as an expression of awe at his matchmaking skills.

“It is fairly impressive,” he said proudly.

Remus found it difficult to look away from Sirius, but he did as a thought struck him. “Where does Lily come into all this?” At James’s instantly dreamy expression, he quickly clarified, “I mean, how on earth did you convince her to lure me away? To help you in your madcap plan to gift wrap Sirius?”

James’s expression took on a slightly bashful edge. “Well… originally I just wanted her to distract you for a bit so I could be sure that I’d be able to talk to Sirius. I told her I needed you out of the way so I could plan a nice surprise for you.”

“And he wanted an excuse to talk to Evans,” said Peter.

“But then when this idiot – ” he nodded at Sirius “ – grabbed me before Transfiguration because he wanted to wail at the injustice of you liking someone who wasn’t him, I decided that enough was enough. I spelled it out for him and I decided we could use that time to – well, to wrap him up. For you. So I went to Lily to make sure she was still going to show up at the fake meeting – ”

“Another excuse,” said Peter.

“ – and she said she was, but she hoped that I was really planning something nice for you and not some awful prank. I think she thought we were maybe going to put itching powder in your sheets or something like that, but… I promised her it was really nice, and that we were trying to do something which would make you really, really happy. I suppose I must’ve managed to look sincere enough, because she believed me.”

Remus remembered Lily’s response to him in the classroom earlier. _They’re not so bad. I know._

Maybe there was more hope in the great saga of James and Lily than he’d anticipated.

Sirius brought him back to reality by clearing his throat. “Prongs, Wormtail. If it’s alright with you…” He looked meaningfully at the door.

“What?” asked Peter.

James glanced at the door. It was still ever so slightly ajar, which explained the draught that was causing Sirius’s slight shiver. “Oh, right. Sorry.” He crossed over to the door and closed it with a thump. Then he threw himself on his own bed, picked up a Quidditch magazine from beside his bed, and began to read.

Peter trotted over to his own bed and climbed onto it. He poked through his stash of Honeydukes sweets for a moment, considering, then decided against them and laid back against his pillows. “I’m going to have a nap,” he announced. “Wake me in a bit, would you?” With that, he closed his eyes.

For one long, drawn out moment, Sirius and Remus were completely united in their expressions of complete incredulity. Before Sirius exploded or Remus was forced to hex someone, James lost his cool and erupted in gales of laughter. Peter joined in, wheezing fit to burst. “Your faces!” he gasped through cackles.

“You’re dead, Wormtail,” Sirius said calmly. This time he did manage to make it sound slightly intimidating, but Peter was laughing too hard to care.

“Oh, Christ. As if we’d want to stick around.” James took his glasses off to wipe at his eyes, then slid off his bed, still chuckling. In the doorway he turned back round, gave them both an overly dramatic wink, then closed the door behind himself and Peter.

“I hate them both,” Remus announced.

“Me too. You know what I also hate?”

“What?”

“How fucking crackly this paper is. Know any good spells for getting rid of wrapping paper?”

“Probably. But I can think of a better way of doing it.”

The feeling of wrapping paper tearing under his hands, with Sirius warm and laughing and _close_ , had never felt so good.

FIN.


End file.
